Fangbangers Anonymous: Part 1

Charlaine Harris owns almost everything. I own the rest.

This little story begins somewhere near the end of All Together Dead, except I’ve taken a few liberties with canon.

I’m officially sharing the news about a new fanfiction directory, where MA content isn’t reported … it’s encouraged; a place where Eric and Sookie get it on and live happily ever after. Sound good? I thought so too. Visit FangbangersAnonymous.wordpress.com and you’ll find a whole directory of SVM/TB authors all in one place, free to write what makes us all happy. Big love to Hisviks and Meridian who encouraged me to write and helped me edit.

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Fangbangers Anonymous

Part 1

Sookie stirred the tall glass absentmindedly, staring at the sugar crystals swirling around the tea and ice cubes. She turned her attention to the second one. A smile tugged up the corner of her mouth. She liked sharing her house with Amelia. It gave her something to look forward to on her nights off.

Amelia had been spending a lot of time in her room upstairs, despite the heat of the summer. Sookie assumed her friend was trying to give her space after the ordeal she lived through at the Rhodes convention. They still hadn’t talked about what happened. Not really. Especially not the part about Quinn.

Sookie ascended the stairs, holding two glasses of sweet tea. Amelia’s door hung open a tiny crack, the whirr of her air conditioning unit humming in the background. “Hey Amelia, are you ready to hear my long story?”

She slapped her laptop shut, holding her hands on top of it as if she were holding a caged animal inside. A tight smile stretched out her face and fragmented thoughts spewed out of her brain.

Sookie frowned and didn’t move. “I can come back … if this is a bad time.”

“No!” Amelia said a little too cheerfully. “It’s fine. I’m glad you’re ready to talk. I mean, I got snippets of what happened on the, uh, news, but I’ve been dying to hear your side.”

“What were you doing?” she asked, looking right at the laptop.

The witch pulled her hands away and sat on them. “Nothing.” She flashed a smile that made her look insane. “What happened with Quinn? I haven’t heard you talk about him since before you left.”

Sookie offered Amelia her tea. “Extra sugar, just like you like.” She slumped on the edge of her friend’s bed. “It’s bad. He found Eric and me together, and assumed the worst. I didn’t have much say in it. Andre forced us to bond. Of course Quinn happened to come out right after it happened, and he wouldn’t hear a word of my explanation.”

“He broke up with you?”

Sookie nodded and tried not to cry. “I heard he got hurt in the explosions, but I didn’t see him. I used what money I had to rent a car and drive home. I got a lot of thinking done on the way. I decided it wasn’t fair that he did that to me. He wouldn’t even listen to me.”

“And Eric?”

“I haven’t seen him either.”

Amelia nodded sympathetically. “I figured Quinn would flake on you. He didn’t really make an effort to visit much, even before things with Eric.”

Sookie frowned. “He was working, and it’s not like it I expected him to go out of his way to see me. I guess it would’ve been nice though. Wait, how did you know about that?”

Amelia glanced at her computer. “Um…” Her brain gushed words so fast that Sookie had a hard time understanding her. One word kept popping up: fanfiction.

Sookie shook her head. “What’s fanfiction? What are you talking about? Slow down.”

The witch glared at her. “You know I don’t like when you do that!”

“Sorry, but you’re broadcasting pretty damn loud right now, and it’s laced with guilt. What’s going on?”

Amelia took a deep breath, grabbed her computer, sat next to Sookie, and opened it. “You’re famous.” She scrolled through the page, showing title after title of stories with little descriptions after them.

Sookie’s eyes scanned the words. Her name appeared next to the character heading. “What the…”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. I found it while you were in Rhodes and couldn’t stop reading.” Amelia swallowed hard. “They’re stories … about you.”

Sookie turned toward her, horrified. She got to her feet and started searching the room for cameras. She crept up to the window and peered outside, half expecting to see a cameraman dangling from a rig. Nothing was there.

“I couldn’t figure it out either. How would anyone know this much about you? There are so many variations of what happened, I couldn’t figure out what was real. In one of these stories, Quinn finds you with Eric, forgives you, and then later when the bombs went off, he killed Andre for you. That one seemed a bit far-fetched though because his sister, who hates you, actually loaned you her car so you could drive home.” Amelia laughed. “I don’t know anyone who likes me enough to loan me a car. Why would someone who hates me do that?”

Sookie sat down next to her and read a bit of the story over her shoulder.

Amelia smiled. “I like this one,” she clicked on a new tab, “In this story, you broke up with Quinn because he sided with his sister after she spilled a whole tray of blood on you, and then you chose to bond to Eric. It was very … lemony.” She blushed. “Then, you uncovered the Fellowship of the Sun’s plot to bomb the hotel and saved everyone.”

“Lemony?”

“Lots of sex,” the witch whispered, her blush deepening.

“Neither of those scenarios happened.”

Amelia nodded. “There are usually little disclaimers at the beginning that say if it’s canon, meaning it follows the actual events or veers off in its own direction.”

“Canon,” Sookie repeated. “There are people writing stories based on the actual events of my life!”

“I’m in some of them too. Not many, but some. Mostly they’re all about you and Eric.”

“Eric? We haven’t been together since the witch war.”

“There are a lot of non-canon stories where you two are together.”

“And you just happened to stumble on these stories.” Sookie narrowed her eyes. Someone had to be writing about her, and who better than someone who lives with her?

“At first, I was reading Harry Potter fanfiction, and then I found a Twilight author I really liked.”

Sookie scoffed. “Sparkling vampires. Yeah, right.”

“Then I found Southern Vampire Mysteries. Those are your stories.” Amelia opened a page with a blue bar across the top. “I started reading here, on fanfiction.net, but my favorite stories started disappearing. Apparently, there’s a group of do gooders that call themselves Critics United or the Eliminators who are going through the site and deleting all the stories with MA content, anything with sex or too much violence,” she explained before going on. “Anyway, some of the authors I follow knew about the crackdown, many of them posting author notes about being targeted for reportable offenses, and began editing the adult content out of their stories.”

“Why isn’t adult content allowed?” Sookie asked, forgetting the strangeness of the situation for a moment.

Amelia shrugged. “Because they’re too lazy to put in a filter that asks readers if they’re over eighteen? That’s the only thing I can think of.”

“So you’d be reading and find a huge chunk missing?”

“Yes, with a note saying where I could find the rest of the story. It was a pain at first, following each new blog. That’s when I found this,” she said, opening another tab to FangbangersAnonymous.wordpress.com.

“Fangbangers Anonymous,” Sookie read, her mouth falling open. “That’s Eric.”

Amelia nodded and scrolled down. “This site, TB/SVM Writers Directory: Fangfuckingtastic FanFiction, brought all my favorite authors together in one place. Here, they can control the content, post what they want to post. Like fanfiction.net, but without the rabid censor beasts.”

Sookie snorted, smiling for the first time during their conversation. “Eric’s picture is all over the place, and mine too!”

“And Pam’s,” Amelia added, pointing out Pam’s smiling face featured in a few places near the bottom.

“What’s TB?”

“True Blood. It seems pretty close to your stories, with extra non-canon stuff.”

Sookie’s brain kicked into high gear and the pieces all started to fall into place. Eric. Pam. True Blood. Sex. “Eric’s behind this.”

Amelia gave her a doubtful glance. “I don’t think so.”

“Who else would have this much information about me?”

“There are dozens of authors!”

“So? What else is Eric doing with his time? He’s always mysteriously busy. Doing what? Writing about me.” She huffed. “That’s gonna stop right now. Come on.” Sookie closed the laptop and tucked it under her arm.

“Where are we going?” Amelia followed her downstairs.

“To Fangtasia.”

* * * *

Sookie stared at the front of Fangtasia, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel.

“We don’t have to go in there,” Amelia whispered from the passenger seat.

“Oh yes we do! Bring your computer.”

“You know it’s on the Internet, right? Not just my computer.”

Sookie rolled her eyes. “I know, but all the links are open on yours. It’ll be easier.” She got out, straightened her back, and headed for the door with Amelia a step behind her.

“Ms. Stackhouse,” the vampire at the door said, greeting her. “Shall I let the boss know you’re here?”

Sookie looked him up and down, not recognizing him. “Don’t bother.” She stormed past him and pushed into the crowd. Eric and Pam sat on the stage, looking bored, until he noticed her.

Amelia put her hand on her arm. “Don’t make a scene.”

Sookie took a deep breath and smiled as she walked up to Eric.

“Sookie,” Eric said, getting up from his throne.

“May I please speak with you both in private?” she asked as evenly as possible, projecting calm while she howled inside.

Eric and Pam exchanged a glance and then nodded. He put his hand on the small of Sookie’s back and led her to his office. She couldn’t deny that his touch soothed her, that she had missed him, and that she wanted to be with him more than anything. She hated it. Amelia followed silently.

Once they were in his office, she managed to pull away from him, fighting the bond between them. “How could you?”

He frowned and tried to touch her again. “How could I what?”

“Write those things about me!” she said, walking over to Amelia and taking the computer out of her hands. She put it down on Eric’s desk and said, “Go on, show him.”

Amelia stepped forward and then said, “What’s your wifi network?”

“Fangtastic,” Pam answered blandly, stepping closer to Amelia. “Who are you?”

Amelia smiled and introduced herself. “I know who you are.” She licked her lips and then turned back to the computer. “Password?”

“b i t e m e.”

“Bite me. Clever. All lower case?” Amelia asked.

“Yes. One word.” Pam gave her a fangy smile. “How do you know who I am?”

“You’ll see,” Amelia warned. “Okay, it’s ready.”

Sookie stormed over and turned the computer toward Eric. “Explain yourself!” Eric and Pam both crowded around the little screen opened to FangbangersAnonymous.wordpress.com.

“That’s me,” he said. “Why is my hair so short?” He frowned and smoothed his long hair.

That’s what you noticed?” Sookie said.

“Why am I on the bottom when Eric gets a whole banner all to himself?” Pam complained. “Sookie’s all over this too!”

“They’re the stars, we’re just sidekicks,” Amelia said with disdain. “At least you got a picture.”

“Are these stories about us?” Eric asked, looking at Sookie.

“Most of them, and some of them are really accurate. Some are exaggerations of the truth, and some are just completely made up.” She thought of the one Amelia told her about where she bonded with him by choice and then had sex with him. She blushed.

Pam started clicking on one tab after another. “There are thousands of them!”

“Some are about Godric, Sophie-Anne, Andre, and Pam. Those are my favorites.” Amelia reddened as she looked at Pam. She touched the screen, pointing to the tab Pam just opened. “I don’t check fanfiction.net anymore, they censor everything.”

“Like what?” Pam asked.

“Blood, sex, language, that sort of thing.”

Pam laughed. “All the good parts.”

“I know, right?”

Sookie’s temper flared. “I’m sure this is all very amusing to you, but if you’ll notice, most of these stories are written about me!”

“About us,” Eric added, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I’m here too. And for the record, I don’t have a problem with that,” Pam said, smiling.

Eric opened FangbangersAnonymous again and smiled as he scrolled through story after story faster than her eyes could follow. “You yield to me over and over again.”

“Exactly! Which is why I know you’re behind this.” Sookie got in his face. “You need to take this directory down at once.”

“I’m not behind anything,” Eric said innocently.

“Who else would know this much about me?”

“Bill?” Pam offered. Sookie and Eric both glared at her. “What? He’s computer savvy.”

“He’s also the villain in most of these stories,” Amelia said. “Or not even there. And I don’t think Bill would describe Eric’s gracious plenty in such detail.”

Sookie’s face turned bright red. She hadn’t told anyone her descriptor of Eric’s best feature, but she had written about it in her diary.

“Gracious plenty?” Eric asked, raising one eyebrow.

Amelia laughed. “Yes, one of my favorite stories takes place during the witch war. It was the first time you guys, um, got to know each other.”

Eric frowned. “Show me.”

Amelia opened a new tab. “This one. It’s more like a book, it’s so long. These are considered canon, the real story.”

Eric scrolled through the story lightning fast and slumped against the desk. “So you did kill Debbie Pelt.”

“You told me you loved me and wanted to live with me forever,” she countered.

Pam and Amelia stared at them, not saying a word.

“Besides, it was self-defense! She tried to kill me!”

“I saved you,” Eric said, his voice taking on a dreamy quality.

“Yes. You did. Go on, live it up. We had lots of sex, you saved my life, and helped me cover up Debbie’s murder.”

“I dumped her body and car while you cleaned your house. I didn’t want to go back to my old life.”

“You didn’t know what you were talking about. You had amnesia. The witches messed everything up.”

“Reading those details made me remember everything. I didn’t believe you the night you told me.”

“Then why did you help Tara? I told you the truth so you would help me. I’ve been living in fear since then for nothing!”

“Don’t you know me well enough to know that I don’t care about some worthless shifter? I helped Tara because you asked me to.”

“And because it was the right thing to do,” she said.

“All this time, I’ve been wondering what really happened, and the whole story is here.” He tapped Amelia’s computer with wonder.

“You honestly didn’t remember?” Sookie asked, recalling the weeks he spent with her and how happy they had been.

He shook his head.

“We’re going to give you some privacy,” Pam said, grabbing Amelia’s hand.

Amelia looked at her hand and smiled. “Yes, we’ll be outside … talking,” she said as they walked toward the door.

Once they were alone, Eric closed the gap between them. “It all makes so much sense now. I knew we’d been together.”

She ignored his comment. “You’re really not behind that directory? FangbangersAnonymous seems like something you would come up with.”

“I promise I have nothing to do with it.”

She frowned. “Someone is.”

He put his hands on her shoulders. “I never got the chance to thank you for saving Pam and me. We would’ve died in that hotel.”

“I couldn’t let that happen,” she answered honestly. She realized in that moment it wasn’t just the bond that drew her to Eric. Their attraction had been undeniable since the night they met. “You’ve healed nicely.”

“We had access to donors. People are very generous in the face of tragedy.”

She nodded, not wanting to think about him biting someone else.

“I heard you were unharmed, but you were so angry with me that I waited for you to come to me.”

“I wasn’t angry with you, I was angry with Andre.” She sighed. “I didn’t really want to be bonded to anyone, but he didn’t give us much choice. I’m just glad you got there when you did.” Her skin crawled. “I can’t imagine sharing blood with him.”

“Quinn was very angry,” he said.

“Quinn wanted out and used that as an excuse.”

“Oh, I hadn’t heard that,” he said, smiling.

“Don’t look so happy about it.” She smacked his chest playfully. “I still can’t figure out who’s behind all these stories. The long ones are right out of my diaries, except for the dialogue. But the details are all right. Who would have access to my diaries?”

“So you wrote about my gracious plenty?” he asked, smothering a smile.

Sookie flushed again. “Maybe. That’s not the point! It would have to be someone who knows me, has access to my house, knows my work schedule, and likes vamps enough to write elaborate sex scenes.”

“Or maybe it’s someone who claims they hate vampires because they’re ashamed of their attraction to us.”

That struck something inside her. “Arlene.” She fit all the criteria. Despite their recent falling out, Arlene never failed to get the latest scoop. “We work together. We used to be close, but she disapproves of my lifestyle. She expressed her hatred of vampires right off the bat.”

“Or maybe she just disapproved of you dating Bill.”

Sookie’s eyes widened. “That makes perfect sense. According to Amelia, he’s always the bad guy, and you’re always the hero.”

Eric beamed. “Sounds right to me.”

“So she’s using my diaries to write books about my life.” She cocked her head. “So who are these other authors?”

“People who want more of your story.”

“If there’s a whole group of people reading and writing my life story, or something like it, why haven’t the cops come after me for Debbie’s murder?”

Eric laughed. “No one in law enforcement would take fanfiction seriously. Most of the comments on that blog were about the sex, or complaining about the lack of it. People are reading for that, not accidental murders.”

“So now what are we supposed to do?” she asked.

“Give them something to write about.” He held her face between his hands and kissed her, stealing her breath and warming every inch of her body.

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Be sure to follow FangbangersAnonymous.wordpress.com to stay connected to all your favorite SVM/TB authors.

On to Fangbangers Anonymous: Part 2 for the short, hot ending. 🙂

46 thoughts on “Fangbangers Anonymous: Part 1

  1. […] Fangbangers Anonymous: Part 1 […]

    Like

  2. This is just awesome, I can’t wait to read the rest and find out if Arlene is actually the culprit!

    Like

  3. cari1973 says:

    You put a smile on my face.

    Like

  4. mom2goalies says:

    This is very clever! Love it. Can’t wait to see who is responsible. Looking forward to Thursday.

    Like

  5. sluggysmom says:

    So clever!! Loved it!!

    Like

  6. saldred75 says:

    go with it sookie!!!

    Like

  7. valady1 says:

    Trying to imagine Arlene being smart enough to be behind this, struggling a bit, but anything is possible. Can’t wait for the second part tomorrow. Great humor.

    Like

  8. Kittyinaz says:

    Reblogged this on Kittyinaz's Reblog Page and commented:
    OMG!!! This is fantastic!!! And a great way to tie all that together. I bow to your impressiveness!

    Like

  9. MsVamp says:

    LOL! What a cool twist of fanfic in a fanfic 🙂

    Like

  10. lostinspace33 says:

    LOL! I wonder if it really was Arlene. 😉

    Like

  11. gyllene says:

    Love the way you tied everything in! I look forward to the next chapter and if it was really Arlene. 😀

    Like

  12. yaffom says:

    This was great……….I loved it. I can’t wait for the second part, looking forward to it.

    Like

  13. msbuffy says:

    That was fantastic! Going on to the next part now!

    Like

  14. […] My Secret O Up All Night, Fangbangers Anonymous […]

    Like

  15. theladykt says:

    too Funny. Love IT!!!

    Like

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