Switched Ch 14: Happiness Equals Shopping

Charlaine Harris owns almost everything. I own the rest.

I am so sorry it took me two weeks to write this and get it posted! I was on the go every day I was in Chicago, and then it took me four days to get back to things once I got home. I hope you’re all still out there!

Duckbutt, your suggestions are still lovely and lingering…and kardamon, thank you for sharing another wonderful idea with me. Sookie’s shopping trip wouldn’t have been the same without it! SeriousCrush, thank you so much for editing, even with hands that are full and days that are fuller. You are so wonderful!


Happiness Equals Shopping

Eric’s POV (in Sookie’s body)

I knew I shouldn’t be reading her diaries, but I couldn’t help myself. I kept coming back to the part where she wrote about keeping the bullet she sucked out of my shoulder. I put the diary down and walked towards a jewelry box I had noticed earlier. I opened the top drawer and riffled through her collection of cheap earrings and necklaces. The second drawer was filled with hair clips, but still no bullet. The bottom of the jewelry box had an odd assortment of heirloom brooches and rings. I discovered a small worn velvet pouch tucked in the back. I opened the drawstring and dumped the contents into her hand. A small bullet fell heavily against her skin, sending a shiver through me, as if her body had a memory it was trying to share with me.

My cell phone vibrated on the table next to her bed. It was Pam. I hoped that she was with Sookie, it had certainly been long enough for Pam to get to my house since the sun had been down for an hour.


No answer. I could hear her laughing in the background.

“Pam? Pam!” I yelled.

Without any warning, my voice said, “It’s me.”

Should I tell her how I feel now that I knew she shared my feelings? I could feel her body filling with hope as I took a deep breath. I was going to do it. I was going to tell her.

“You have two seconds to explain yourself, mister!” she shouted.

“Explain myself? What are you talking about, Sookie?” I asked. Her heart started to pound loud enough that she could probably hear it through the phone.

“I found it Eric. Your little black box?” She sounded incredibly mad.

Oh shit. Sookie wasn’t supposed to find the box. By the sound of her voice, she had gotten the wrong idea about me.

I kept the shirt as a memento, and over the next few weeks, it became a staple for relieving myself after a long, unsatisfying night. Even with the traces of the acrid poison from the maenad, the smell of her blood was still enough to get me off every time. Before too much longer, the shirt wasn’t enough. I needed to see her. She had made it clear in Dallas that she didn’t want anything to do with me, or so I thought, so I remained hidden while I added to my collection.

I could hear the irritation in my voice. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about! What the hell, Eric? You’ve been stalking me?!”

I never thought of it as stalking her. I was trying to satisfy a desire that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times I tried to forget by using someone else. Anger burned through me. It was just like her to judge me for something she was guilty of herself! “Oh, don’t pretend like you didn’t want me there. How am I going to tell Bill?” I said, quoting her diary.

Sookie was quiet for a few seconds and then my voice boomed through the phone. “You read my diary?!!! You have no right!”

I backpedaled and made up a lie about how I found it. Of course she knew I was lying, and she sounded angrier by the minute. This was not how it was supposed to go! Why was she being so stubborn?

“I’m sorry Sookie,” I said, and I meant it. “Why don’t you come over and I’ll make it up to you?” If I could talk to her in person I could explain myself.

“Stop it! Don’t try and tempt me after you just admitted to abusing my trust!”

“Tempt you?” I asked, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice. The phone filled with a muffled sound, which became louder. It was Pam laughing.

“Oh shut up Pam,” Sookie said in the background.

“Pam, you have to take care of her. Get her out of my house. Take her to Fangtasia, and give her something to do.”

Pam promised to help and hung up the phone.

I fell back onto Sookie’s bed and took a deep breath. It had been a really long day, and I was exhausted. Before too much longer, I was asleep.

After waking up the next morning, I changed quickly (and successfully), and ate. This time I decided to forego the chocolate in my coffee. I didn’t want to repeat the stomachache I experienced yesterday.

I showered and noticed something new when I was toweling her body off. I was horny. Now that was a feeling I was used to!

I sprawled out on her bed and tucked her hand between her legs. It was a marvelous feeling to learn exactly where and how to touch her to get the best response. I had a lot of experience with women, and a fair amount with men, but this was better than all of my experience combined. Learning first hand how to pleasure someone else’s body was amazing.

I writhed against her hand and gasped when I came. Relying solely on clitoral stimulation was a completely different sensation than anything I had experienced so far. It made her toes curl and it took a while for my breathing to even out. I didn’t know that it felt so different.

All of the joy was knocked out of me when I tried to button a pair of jeans and they didn’t fit.

I had worn them two days ago, and now, I was fighting to join the two sides. I read about this in Sookie’s book, how some women experience bloating during their period, which can lead to depression.

I knew how to solve this problem. I needed to go shopping. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a camisole tank top and got in my car and drove to a shopping center in Shreveport that Pam had mentioned.

I drove with the windows down, and by the time I got to my destination, Sookie’s hair was wild and wavy.

The shopping center was compiled mostly of women’s boutique clothing stores. I was drawn to one of the shops that had a display of clothing made from vintage fabrics.

“Hi! Please let me know if you need something!” the woman sitting behind the register said as I walked in.

“Actually, I was hoping you might be able to help me find something that fits me. I’m not sure what size I am. Especially right now…apparently I’m a little bloated.”

The woman gave me a sympathetic look. “Aren’t we all at times…?” She smiled and touched Sookie’s elbow, leading me to a display of beautiful silk skirts. “These are made from vintage saris, and are completely adjustable. They come in three lengths. This one would look lovely on you, and it matches your top!” She held up a creamy blue silk skirt.

Were women always this nice to each other? I was surprised since the humans I watched at Fangtasia were competitive and vicious…especially the women.

“Where can I try it on?” I usually tried on clothing at a tailor, or had my day man buy things and bring them to me so I could try them on at home.

“Right this way.” She led me to a narrow wooden door hanging a foot off the floor.

“I am in desperate need of a new wardrobe, so if you have any other suggestions…”

She smiled widely. “I’ll be back.”

I slipped inside the room and tugged the sweats off. My wallet fell heavily onto the floor. Maybe I should buy a new purse too. “How do I tie this?” I spoke loud enough that she would be able to hear me through the door.

“I can show you, if you like.” Her feet approached the dressing room, stopping far enough away that I could open the door.

I opened the door, clutching the material against Sookie’s body, knowing that Sookie wouldn’t appreciate me flashing a stranger. The saleswoman already had her arm loaded with clothing.

She smiled when she saw me looking at them. “I wasn’t sure what you would like, so I got you a variety!” She hung the clothes on the back of the door and reached inside the dressing room. “This belt slides inside this hole and then you wrap it around your waist and tie it. I think it looks beautiful. What do you think?”

I turned and faced the mirror and smiled. It did look beautiful. I turned in front of the mirror and sighed when the soft silk brushed against her knees. “I need more of these.”

She laughed and gave me a nod. I closed the door and proceeded to try on one thing after another, most of them looked amazing and felt glorious against her skin. Why didn’t Sookie own more dresses and skirts? The saleswoman came back with six more skirts, all in various colors and lengths, all just as beautiful as the first one.

I ended up taking all of the skirts, two dresses, four blouses and a purse to the register. I noticed a display stand on the counter next to the register covered with jewelry.

“They’re made locally by a very talented woman. She polishes and cuts her own stones, and mounts them in fourteen karat gold. Would you like to try them on?”

I nodded and waited for her to pull an earring and necklace set out of the case. I held the earrings in her hands and was pleased by the craftsmanship. “I’ll take that set too, and that pair of earrings.” I pointed to a pair of plain hoops. I opened my wallet and pulled out my credit card.

She glanced down at the card and smiled. “Thank you, Mrs. Northman.”

I smiled back at her, glad that she hadn’t asked for identification. “Do you mind if I change into the blue skirt?”

“Please, feel free. If you could just sign this.” She slid the credit card receipt across the counter.

I signed my name, which came naturally, even using Sookie’s delicate hands. Luckily, my signature was obscured enough that the saleswoman didn’t notice my first name.

“I’ll wrap these while you change.”

When I came back out, I handed her the sweatpants. “Thank you!”

“No, thank you! Any time you want to shop, I’ll be here.” She tucked the sweatpants inside the bag and handed it to me.

As I walked down the sidewalk of the shopping center, past a stoplight, a man in a rusted truck leaned towards the open passenger window and shouted, “Nice tits!”

I turned and looked at him in disbelief.

“Wanna show me whatcha got on under that skirt?” he jeered, licking his lips.

I felt dirty and angry all at once. Before I even had the chance to defend myself, the light changed and he honked and whooped as he drove away. What right did he have to talk to me that way? I could feel Sookie’s face sour. It reminded me of dealing with the drunk assholes at Merlotte’s. It seems as though men were dicks everywhere.

I turned my attention back to the stores in front of me and smiled when I noticed I was looking at a shoe store. Sookie definitely needed shoes.

The salesman was just as pleasant as the woman I had just bought clothes from, which helped restore my faith in men. He brought me a dozen pairs of shoes, and after trying them all on and getting his feedback, I ended up buying six of them. They even matched some of the outfits I had just bought.

“Can I help you carry them to your car?” the salesman offered.

“Yes. Thank you.” I smiled at him and led the way.

I unlocked the trunk, and while he was loading Sookie’s new shoes, I asked, “Are you this nice to everyone?” I had always assumed that people were nice to me because they were afraid of me, but he definitely didn’t have anything to be afraid of when I was in this body.

He laughed. “Not everyone drops two grand on a single shopping trip in my store, so no…”

I nodded. It wasn’t the first time someone had liked me for my money.

“And…you are an absolute knockout.” He blushed. “I get off in a half-hour for my lunch break, if you’re interested…”

His compliment did wonders to improve my mood.

“I’m flattered, but I’m with someone.”

“Of course you are,” He said softly and then cleared his throat. “Thank you for your patronage!” He turned and left, walking briskly back to his store.

I was hungry again and decided to eat at the café I had passed moments before. I sat outside, where I could lean back in my chair and soak in the bright afternoon sun. As I sat at the table by myself, I longed for company…Sookie’s company. Was I really ‘with’ her? How was I going to make things right between us?

Why did I even care?

Was it love, or was it some form of lust that tricked me?

I couldn’t think straight, so I stopped thinking. I just relaxed and enjoyed the day, wishing that I could see Sookie tonight.


I promise you won’t have to wait so long for the next chapter…review please (I’m still trying to beat my record of reviews on FF).

On to Switched Ch 15: I Am NOT Being High-Handed

87 thoughts on “Switched Ch 14: Happiness Equals Shopping

  1. erin1705 says:

    Oh sh*t, I have s feeling that Sookie will be even more pissed when she finds out that Eric bought her a new wardrobe and then finds out how much he spent! I hope that they talk soon because they both obviously have feelings for each other. Terrific chapter!


    • Thank you so much for commenting and letting me know that you enjoyed it. 🙂 Yep, Sookie’s going to be pissed and there’s not a damn thing she can do about it. Don’t worry, Pam’s going to talk some sense into her…at least about the shoes. Thanks again!


  2. duckbutt says:

    Pardon for any mistakes as I’m posting from my phone. Eric’s experience as a woman is starting to affect how he thinks as a man. I’m reminded of Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie saying he was “more of a man when he was a woman” when he was with Jessica Lange. He’s really starting to emphasize. Pat


    • That was exactly what I was trying to get across…that being in her body is affecting his thought process and changing him. 🙂 Thanks for saying so! Thanks again for the comment (forever ago) about the horniness…it was too priceless not to include. Thanks so much for commenting, I hope you’re still enjoying it!


  3. I really think they need to have a serious conversation and maybe sookie could realize she is angry because no one has been as kind or generous to her as Eric is and has been. She is not used to being treasured and wanted and the should be something displayed in her thoughts when they have this big conversation.


    • I agree completely…Sookie needs to suck it up and figure out that Eric is good for her, and then just let them get on with it already! 🙂 She’s almost there, believe me. Thanks so much for commenting!


  4. whew hot blooded says:

    sweet update allowing eric to understand more about not only being a woman but being sookie too. i like that he appears to be invested in fully appreciating the difference in gender inside and out. he also considered how humans were interfacing with him in her body. talk about walking in someone else’s shoes and buying them too 🙂

    i liked how he enjoyed the sun, and wished for her company. he really is getting in touch with his own feelings and not just his feminine side lately. looking forward to the next post.


    • I really was trying to get that across, that Eric is learning a whole new game by being in her body. I’m so glad that I wrote it well enough to convey his feelings. 🙂 You have got to imagine that people would treat him differently, right? I’m sure people treat me differently because I’m a woman. I’ve seen it happen.

      Sookie’s going to be pissed about his shopping spree, but she’s going to have to learn to suck it up. 🙂 Thanks for commenting!


  5. Mindy says:

    I really liked this chapter. I loved that Eric went clothes shopping. Sookie is going to flip when she finds out how much Eric bought. I found it so funny how Eric enjoyed trying on the clothes. Sookie is a lucky girl though, Eric bought nice clothes and shoes. I think it is good that Eric experienced cat calls and now knows how uncomfortable and annoying it is. I loved loved loved how Eric was questioning his feelings. Hmmmmmm love. I hope they see each other soon.


    • ncmiss12 says:

      Awesome chapter! I bet Sookie will be pissed when she finds out that Eric went shopping and bought a bunch of stuff for her body! I wonder what happened at Fangtasia with Sookie and pam? I can’t wait for more! I think Eric is really enjoying being Sookie! And the rude truck driver was just too funny!


      • I really wanted Eric to enjoy it all…fun shopping, nice salespeople and rude men. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed it too! Yep, Sookie’s going to be pissed for sure, but she’s going to have to learn to get over it. Being in Sookie’s body is a life-changing event for Eric, and Sookie’s going to experience the same thing. 🙂 More coming soon! Thanks for commenting!


    • I really wanted Eric to experience the whole spectrum of being a woman, right down to the pig shouting comments as he drives by. Shopping is very therapeutic when you go to the right stores. 🙂 And yes…Sookie’s going to flip out about how much he spent. Don’t worry though, Pam’s going to talk some sense into her, at least about the shoes. 🙂 Being in Sookie’s body is changing everything about Eric, and everything he thinks he knew. As far as seeing each other soon…only the next chapter will tell. 😉


  6. Alskl1ng says:

    Nice that Eric got some retail therapy and got Sookie some clothes that are worthy of her and not something trashy or crude. I hope you doesn’t blow a gasket like she did with the washing machine and the water heater. Looking forward to the coming confrontation.


    • Let’s just say this…Sookie is going to get used to the idea of Eric buying things for her…and Pam is going to help (at least with the shoes!). Yes, Eric got retail therapy, and Sookie’s going to benefit too! 🙂 Thanks so much for commenting! 🙂


  7. lostinspace33 says:

    Oh, I can hear Sookie bitching about the new clothing and shoe purchases akready! LOL


  8. Filagirl says:

    Thanks for another great chapter. Will we be getting some Lemons soon? You write them so well. I need my fix.


    • You’re cracking me up! Yes, lemons are on the way…just as soon as I get them together without any distractions. I’m evil. I know. Sorry to make you wait, but at least you know it’s coming, right? 🙂 Thanks for commenting! I love hearing from you! 🙂


  9. Loftin says:

    I love it! Sookie will be off on a tangent about how much money he’s spending on her and about how he’s trying to manipulate her and the situation and be so high handed….I can’t wait. Lol
    Then she’ll see reason after someone explains and then points out she’s a hypocrite. Hehehe…Eric should show up at fangtasia and get Sookie all fired up. More amo for Pammy. I love this, can’t seem to get enough. I also love all the side convo going on…you guys are too damn funny.


    • There are lots of good opportunities for Eric and Sookie to have it out, which will be a lot like the pot calling the kettle black. 🙂 You need to get out of my head though, I just wrote a little that included part of what you said!! Pam is going to enjoy herself, that’s for sure. I’m so glad you’re still loving it…

      The side convo with Whew Hot Blooded? She is damn funny…I’m just trying to keep up! 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        don’t use my name in VEIN *appropriate non-canadian use of pun since it is vampire story* was the side convo remark about us? i did not think so until you thought it…mhh, i will let you get back to writing the next update 🙂


      • It’s got to be about us…doesn’t it? I don’t know who else it could be. 🙂 I groaned at your vampire pun. Ugh, it was awesome! 🙂

        Writing later…food now. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        *shrugs* not really sure but at least you got your groan on 😉 i strongly encourage you to eat so you can keep your strength for writing…and the rest of your life outside of that too. i would not want to be too selfish in my demands. 😉


      • I did it. I ate. It was awesome! And then I spent my free time tonight sewing. So…tomorrow I write. Sorry, but I had a deadline, so it took priority. I will be happy to meet your demands…you’re nice enough to me to warrant it! 🙂


      • whew hot blooded and paying too many bills says:

        you sew too? you really are making many of us, not just myself, feel incompetent 😉 your activities are like singing “do re mi” with the jam and sewing and all, minus the proper pervtootie 😉 true confession: i am impressed. silly me, i am sitting here doing bills. sewing sounds way better. my dishes are done though 😉

        deadline? you have none with me, i will find your updates whenever they post. never apologize for writing a great escape from the mundane.


      • Yep, I sew…and a friend of mine needed a gift for a baby girl in her life…so I made one for her. I make monsters out of wooly sweaters, so I made her Squidily, a deep sea cave explorer. She’s red and pink striped this time, which is a lovely color for her. 🙂 See how weird I am? She’s like a real creature to me in my twisted brain. 🙂 I have made loads of them, and sell them at a local store that sells eco-friendly stuff (including my toys). Now I need to take a picture of her, put her on my photobucket, and go to bed (not to sleep, mind you ;)). So I guess I’m going to put on my proper pervtootie hat on. It’s better anyway, sewing is so linty…

        Thanks again for sharing the love, you’re always an inspiration for writing!


      • whew hot blooded with no lint just more bills to pay says:

        oh wow, not weird at all but fabulous IMHO. you are quite the “do re mi” pervtootie (yeah, i am totally singing that now) 😉 i think you should post recipes and pics of toys and creations on a special tab here or make another blog to share. wonderful that you are so creative and earthy mama hippie. i can dig it and want to see squidily.

        now off with you, if you are not already long gone, to the bed or whatever magic spot(s) you can discover. the only lint you should be finding is belly button lint in the near future (though i do hope not) 😉


      • No belly button lint, just the kind that lingered in my eyes until this morning. 🙂 I’m glad that you’re singing some crazy-ass song. 🙂 Maybe a whole new blog would be a good thing, although I don’t know that anyone would bother to look/read/comment, besides you. You would be worth it though, so maybe I should. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded and lint free says:

        your response almost made me spittake my beverage- i am still coughing. you can always take a vote by poll to see if others would be interested; i most certainly do not expect a new blog just for me to see squidily and make cous cous 😉 recipes and eye-irritating linty eco-friendly toys are fascinating to others besides us, right? relieved belly button was clean and hope your eyes feel better soon so you can keep writing 😉

        on second thought, my own secret o personal blog…i could get used to being spoiled by a non-viking pervtootie do-re-mi sewing and jamming hippee *ROFLMFAO and then some*


      • Oh my god, I’m glad I’M not drinking right now, or I would be spitting too!! I actually tried to start a new blog tonight, but it’s just so damn time-consuming, and I have things that I want to do instead…so it’ll come, eventually. 🙂 So be prepared to be spoiled!!


      • whew hot blooded says:

        unlike sookie, you bring it and i will take it. 😉 with so much on your plate, it seems to be a bit much, but without question i will partake of the blog if you create it. just do not overload yourself to make me deliriously happy or anything like that… (seriously sarcastic and joking here)

        i agree that you have many better things to do, and i hope that you keep doing them. if there is a surprise one day, so be it. no pressure from me at all. none. zilch. nope. zero. no way jose.

        good that you did not spit since it is not good for the computer at all, or clothing or hairdo or chair or table or flooring (maybe ceiling involved and i will discover this at a future date). clean up was not nearly as fun afterward. the choking not so much either. at least i was not drinking a smoothie at the time. i have learned my lesson and will refrain from food and beverages while reading your blog. safety first, clean house second, working computer third (dems de rulz) 😉


      • I have just the right amount on my plate, at the moment. Now, when school starts again, that’s a different situation. But for now, I can do it all (most days), and I’m happy to know that you’ll take it all…unlike Sookie. Sounds dirty. Really.

        I am not a fan of choking on water, or snorting food up my nose, which is why I am such a careful drinker/eater. Not to say that I’m not a spaz and inhale liquids down into my lungs every now and then…but still. Safety first is definitely a good rule to follow. Reminds me of the safety dance. Great, now that song is stuck in my head. Had to share. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded and safety dancing unfortunately says:

        i give you do-re-mi and NIN and you give me safety dance! NO FAIR! (throwing tantrum on floor) 😦 i refuse to take this, and i can take it all baby- but not this. nope, stop the press. not gonna happen. get that outta my head NOW. do do- do do do doooooooooo (skips around in tie dye dress with hair flapping around and it is your fault entirely) 🙂

        there is a price to pay for mental torture inflicted upon me 🙂 as punishment (snaps whip) you need to design a new linty eye-irritating eco-friendly toy monster called the safety dancer (long crazy hair in multicolors skin/outfit). talk about cruel and unusual- punishment should always fit the crime, right? you never know, it might be a bestseller. now i have find some alternative tunes to purge my brain a bit. note: i am not suggesting any music in retaliation. i want your mind uncluttered for writing updates 🙂

        if only i had my own viking vampire to use as a distraction or i was trapped in the body of one- IMHO either option would be a hands up and down winner. [IMHO= in my hippie opinion, right?] and… that concludes our use of sexual puns this evening (bows and leaves the stage)


      • I am so sorry I got that song stuck in your head! I’ve had “Call Your Girlfriend” stuck for weeks…it’s awesome (the cover done by Erato, anyway…I’m not a fan of Robyn’s original for some reason). You should give it a listen and maybe it will redeem me. I listened to it on YouTube so much that I bought it!

        A safety dance monster would be awesome. I’ll have to figure out a pattern I can use…and find time to make them. I tend to split my creative energy between writing and sewing, and lately, it has been used only for writing. I started the kilt-inspired story, the next chapter of Switched, finished another round of edits on my book (and sent it to my publisher! EEE! I’m hoping to hear back soon about a contract!), and a short story I’ve been working on for weeks now. Talk about too much on my plate. Who has time to sew (except on deadlines for new babies, that is)? Not me. I’ve got lots to do, and it all involves sitting down and writing my guts out. It’s really a shame, because my garden is beyond neglected…and I call myself a botanist! Ugh. Some people! 🙂


      • whew hot blooded and overloaded with fresh veggies says:

        i think it is amazing that you have done all the writing and sewing at all. it is exciting about your new book, and i anticipate the details soon. sending good luck to you with your new publishing plans. shame about the garden though, not very hippie of you at all 😉 spent some of yesterday at farmer’s market buying veggies and feeding goats. the nubians are too adorable licking our hands like rabbits. their sweet faces and slit irises always fascinate me, and i think i was almost hypnotized to feed them some more 😉

        if you make a safety dancer, i must see it *using glamour*. i will have to check out the song version you mentioned to see if it helps clear my mind 😉 we spent large part of the day listening to satellite 60 and 70s tunes and that seems to be great cure for what ails anyone…if you do not listen to our singing 😉 however, that was good for dozens of laughs over the hours so that is best side effect ever.

        i thought i had posted this last night before became sleeping beauty ;), but guess it got lost in shuffle so trying again now that i am back in land of the conscious. those goats wore me out i guess. nah, really it is the thought of all the cooking 😉 any ideas for squash, zucchini, green beans, tomatoes, potatoes, mushrooms, corn, carrots, broccoli together that would not be a soup, sauce, quiche, veggie tart? gotta figure out which protein (poultry, beans, nuts or all) to add and way to keep it cool because too hot for mega cooking (and eating). i am going to have to use it or lose it with all the fresh produce. too much squash and zucchini and not sure what to do with it all really. damn those 4 for one buck bins filled with bounty of beautiful fresh picked delicacies 😉 we got to get our nomnomnom on now.


      • You were charmed by goats? They are charming sons o’ bitches, aren’t they? The slitty eyes are a little creepy if you ask me, but I forgive them for it and appreciate their little soft tongues and nuzzling. 🙂 I can’t believe your farmer’s market has goats! Ours is way too small for that, but it grows every year. 🙂

        One of my favorite things to do with zucchini and mushrooms, is slice them really thick, drizzle with olive oil and a little salt and pan fry them (outside in a big cast iron pan) until golden brown. It’s really good with BBQ Tofu (my own recipe and so yummy…maybe I need to post again). Served with fresh corn on the cob that is my favorite summer meal. Grilled zucchini is also delicious, and uses a lots. I make fajitas to use up fresh veg in the summer too.

        I love music from the 60s and 70s, and sing loud to it too. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        the eyes have it for me, goats or humans 😉 i do love me some soft tongue too (uh yeah, you know you wanna say goats or humans there as well)! they were charming and sweet and capable of potent glamour!

        this particular market does not have goats but the locale was the opportunity as we noticed the nearby vendors fencing and asked what was hiding from us. we covertly (and politely of course) asked if we could play with them and she gave us pellets to feed them which started a frenzy (8 goats appeared) but probably promoted the finger licking goatness 🙂 then bunches of other humans *meh* migrated over and we apologized to the owners since that was not our intention at all. we were happy for the goats as getting more food and nuzzles though. if by any chance in this small world the vendor is reading this…hi and sorry for the goatmania we caused inadvertently. we were blameless and they glamoured us more than the viking 😉 it might be a side effect from reading too much pervtootie entries on this site…my mind has been permanently altered.

        i do not have a cast iron pan, and i am not sure about grilling the thick zucchini slices inside. otherwise that sounds tasty and i could actually make it if bought the tofu. put up that recipe and i will send stuff to my vegan friends and get their input on the spicy stuff too.

        rockin out again today from elton to croce…so much good music in this world. bet you are a muscian too…such a do-re-mi i would not be surprised.


      • That’s awesome that you were able to play with and feed the goats covertly, until your cover was blown! I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids! (baby goats are kids, get it…I’m funny! AND a Scooby Doo reference) If the goat owners are reading this, then I also apologize for my addle brained friend and can only say that she is going to get progressively worse as time goes on and more stories are posted.

        I invested in a whole set of cast iron (made in the USA of course, gooooooo Lodge!) a couple of years ago, when I started cooking outside during the summer. They cook like nonstick and are awesome for tofu. They’re not a good idea if you have a smooth-top ceramic stove (which I do inside) but are great for coil burners and gas. I highly recommend them, and Amazon has the best prices in town. When you try the recipes with your vegan friend, use agave nectar instead of honey in the BBQ recipe. Works just as well. 🙂

        Two more comments require my attention…


      • whew hot blooded says:

        yes, you are funny and i do get it- goat and scooby make for a double ROFL moment but thankfully no spittakes 😉 cast iron could work with my gas stove and i did not realize work like nonstick. they are so heavy it kills my carpal so i am not sure i could consistently use them. i will look into it and maybe reconsider but i love using a wok for almost everything because it is deep enough and i can layer things in and guess i am lazy with soups and sauces.

        yeah, my friend will use agave instead of honey but the other does use honey. i can barely keep up with it all and usually coordinate with who is cooking and eating what so we can figure out what to put in it or not 😉 speaking of cooking, i fell asleep really early and did not end up cooking at all! so today i am going to have to get my act together and start some type of prep and cooking of numerous things to use all this produce goodness 😉


      • I do love produce-y goodness. 🙂 I have a friend that will eat honey, but only from me, because it’s from my bees, and he knows I treat them well and all that. We have them for pollinators, not really for the honey. It’s just a pleasant benefit. 🙂

        I do love a good wok, but when I want to saute hot and fast, I go to my cast iron. I’ve got a bit of carpal too, from my job years ago, when I worked in a production line at a genetics lab. Nothing destroys your wrists faster than using two multi-channel pipets at the same time…allllllll day long. What was even more terrifying, was the unsafe handling of the carcinogens in the lab…not to mention the time I got chloroform in my eyes. Ugh. Do not get me started…hated that job. Rambling. Sorry! 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        oh no! that job sounds scary bad. hope your health is safe.

        and now you say you have bees too…it just sounds like a fairy tale over there 😉 honey hippee pervtootie…just incredible. nice to know someone is living off the fat of the land, since lenny cannot do it 😉 do you have rabbits too?

        i keep thinking of a one shot with honey now. this is entirely your fault. i was not even in that place at all… right now. you put the buzz in the naughty place *cracking up*


      • Oh, the bee puns have begun! 🙂 Yes indeed, I do love my yard. The bees are lovely, and are adored by everyone. They are Italians, and so I imagine them riding around on tiny Vespas saying ‘Ciao’ all the time. So hilarious!

        No worries about MY health from that lame job…it was everyone else that threw caution to the wind (except for the chloroform incident).


      • whew hot blooded says:

        ohh honey child, i hope that you are enjoying your day. the buzz around here is that i gotta go read the new update. ugh, those bee puns are stinGk! hilarious that your bees speak another language (that you do not) and i love the way you envision them. off to read soon. still amazed that you really are quite the do re mi. where are the pictures of the food and squidily? surely, you are not busy as a bee and unable to post them? gah, i am stopping now and you are overloaded IMHO (yeah the H is for honey now)


      • wow…you really take it to a new level. I can’t even keep up with you…so I’m going to go read your other comments and laugh quietly to myself. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        i am getting ready to read update. trust me, i cannot keep up with you so we are even in some manner 😉 consider me the pun idiot of the village that is not located in canada *giggles until snorts*


      • not idiotic at all…just awesome!


      • whew hot blooded and awesome says:

        awww, i am awesome, i am kind, i am smart and i am important…yeah, watching “the help” again. and doggone it, my secret o likes me 🙂


      • You betcha I do! Who else writes me like a crazy person and makes me laugh like one? Just you. That’s who. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        your ending on a rhyme is always smile worthy, especially if i am being referenced *prances around in glee* :):):);)


      • I do love prancing!


      • whew hot blooded says:

        where is my purple prancing skirt with matching purse? it might appear inappropriate but the prancing would be amusing 🙂


      • whew hot blooded and not a talented singer says:

        erato recommendation was superb and pardons the safety dance offense. their “till the world ends” and “hang with me” versions are whew-approved ;). their rudolph redo is spectacular. not really right time to listen but it was almost as mesmerizing as the goats 😉

        i always love anything unplugged or using natural talents. now i feel even worse about our singing yesterday 😥 guess i won’t be invited to sweden to join the girls anytime soon *wails in disappointment*


      • Aren’t they amazing? Did you watch the montage they did for that Swedish film festival? It was awesome, and I just sat there and stared in amazement as they switched from one language to the next. I feel so unaccomplished…I only know English, and don’t even know it that well…unless you count sign language, I know a bit of that too. Not quite the same as being multilingual though. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        i did not see montage. will have to look again for it. i concur that it would be nice to be fluent in other languages. i dabble quite badly in many but am most successful when i speak in pun 😉 (yup back to cracking self up again)

        i am surprised that you feel unaccomplished. this is only one area, and think of all the others you succeed in now. you can always learn one if you really want to but IMHO you have plenty on your plate already 😉


      • Probably true. Maybe if I really sat down and learned French properly all of my perviness would run out of my head into a pool on the ground. At which point, I would give you a jingle and you could come over and scoop it up and take over for me. Sounds like a good plan, or maybe a really disturbing plan. You choose!

        Oh, I forgot to mention…about the music. Not me, unless you count Beatles Rock Band and karaoke as being able to sing. 😉


      • whew hot blooded says:

        hacking a lung, bordering on spittake (coughing still). if you learn more french, you pervitude will improve as will your FRENCH TONGUE (oh, the agony!). seriously, i used to know french the most and it does not diminish your primal urges or reduce pervtootiness at all. pas de tout!

        i could never, ever replace you or consider taking over…that is disturbing for sure and not in a good way. do not ever threaten to stop writing *wails in despair* 😥 with this idea looming in my head, how will i ever be able to cook today? (yeah, probably not a valid excuse, and after this post i am going to switch some laundry- meh)

        so many languages to choose from, and if you choose french then enjoy. i learn bits and pieces from other bilingual friends and during travels but as i age and practice less, it becomes a mess in my head and i jumble the stuff i say into multilanguages (more than cracks self up in french-spanish-russian-italian).

        bonne journée et écrire écrire écrivent votre histoire…maintenant!


      • Ok, ok, I’ll write. Stop yelling at me in French!! 🙂 I do love it. In school, I made the mistake of learning French and Spanish at the same time. So now, I ask questions like “where is the library” and half is French and half Spanish. Forget Russian and Italian…although I have a lovely Italian friend and she is constantly yelling at her children in Italian. I love it! 🙂

        I promise not to stop writing. As if I could. This is something that has been inside me all these years and now that it has come to the surface, there is no stopping it. Like crude oil. Only less sticky, and black, but only slightly. 🙂


      • whew hot blooded says:

        too funny 😉 i am not really yelling and relieved to know that you will keep writing. not sure i am loving the crude oil analogy- unless you are going hillbilly on me *cackling now* if THAT theme song stays stuck in my head, you are gonna be in trouble little missy ;(


      • I am so sorry to get hillbilly songs stuck in your head. Can I do anything to make you forgive me?


      • whew hot blooded says:

        up from the ground come a bubblin HONEY…liquid gold that is… nope, nothing that is a reasonable request so i will keep it to myself. sacrificing just for you, do re mi bee hippee pervtootie 😉


      • sad, that after I watched EVERY one of those old tv shows that I can’t think of the rest of the song…


      • whew hot blooded says:

        do NOT try to trick me and put that song back into my head. keep your hillbilly hippee song to yourself. you do not need to waste any dendrites on this, i promise 🙂


      • Ok, ok…geez, stop yelling at me again!


      • whew hot blooded says:

        i had to since it is one of my hard limits 😉

        crying now from laughing so hard…


      • there’s yelling, there’s crying, there’s laughing. It’s an all you can eat buffet of emotions!


      • whew hot blooded says:

        are you labeling moi dramatic *getting the vapors* or unwell, or both 😉


      • Oh NO! You got the vapors? I hope you have a fainting couch! 🙂


  10. Betsy says:

    Loved the chapter, Eric getting in touch with his feminine side. I hope Sookie will be mature enough to accept the shopping trip spoils and they will talk about their “discoveries” Love the story, looking forward to more


    • Look, you’re all caught up! That was a long day of reading, that’s for sure…now you need to go read my other stuff! LOL. Sookie’s going to have to suck it up, since she doesn’t have any say in the matter at this point! I’ve already started writing the next chapter, so hopefully you won’t have to wait too long! Thanks for all the comments and for sharing the love over and over with me! 🙂


  11. The best line: The salesman was just as pleasant as the woman I had just bought clothes from, which helped restore my faith in men.

    I was laughing so hard.


    • After the readneck in the truck shouting at him, he needed a man to be nice to him, right? LOL. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting and saying so…I do so love to hear from my readers! 🙂


  12. Vilannh says:

    Oh Sookie is going to love her new wardrobe probably as much as she loved her appliances…lol. So glad Eric could experience the way it feels to be ogled. I hope Sookie and Pam enjoy themselves enough to chill Sookie out a bit. Can’t wait for more


    • Yeah, Sookie is going to have to learn to get over Eric buying her things. 🙂 Pam’s going to help with that… 🙂 Eric’s experience as a woman just wouldn’t be the same without an a-hole in a truck shouting something degrading at her. 🙂 Thanks so much for commenting, I always appreciate them! 🙂 I’m working on the next chapter…so you shouldn’t have to wait too long.


  13. ilovevikings says:

    LOL, this was a fun chapter! ( I wanna go shopping with Eric.. He has good taste).. I can just imagine what Sookie is going to say when she sees the new cloths and shoes… Lord, I dont envy Eric the bitching that he is going to get.. ( and I feel bad for him becasue of it) Pure awesomeness as usual!


    • Thank you for that comment, it was pure awesomeness too! 🙂 Sookie’s just going to have to get over herself, since Eric bought the clothes for himself (right? :)), and Pam will be there to help her with that. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! 🙂


  14. Lauinia says:

    Ah, insight! I love it. If more men had an appreciation of bloating and the comfort that bloating requires, perhaps they’d be less inclined to shop for cheap and nasty, ‘sexy’ undies for their ladies!

    It sounds like Eric has chosen things for Sookie that are pretty and tasteful. Once she gets over the initial horror, surely she’ll be delighted with how thoughtful he’s been.


    • Yep, Sookie’s going to have to get over herself. Eric has good taste and the money to spend. 🙂 I thought the same thing…if men really understood how it was, they would be much more compassionate! 🙂 Thanks so much for commenting! 🙂


  15. NinaTree says:

    Well that was nice! I\’m glad that you\’re taking the time to let Eric experience some of the things us girls encounter on a day to day basis. However! I need more plot stuffs! Mostly teasing, but keep these chapters coming!


    • I’m working on the next one, don’t you worry, Nina! 🙂 Eric is having a rough time in her body, and shopping is the least he can do to cheer himself up. They’re almost ready to have a good long talk…just you wait! 🙂


  16. BookSookismyhero says:

    Eric on a shopping trip? So, hilarious! I can hear the ‘wild women do and they don’t forget it!!!’ song playing in the background. Or, it was totally reminding me of all the little girl movies out these days have to have that shopping scene where they have the montage of dressing rooms and outfits. Eric is quite proud of himself too. As he should be, because he is definitely learning a lot about women and Sookie and he is willing. Sookie isn’t really showing much effort to learn about men/vampire/Eric aside from the sexual or pure physical urges. I suppose physical is predominant for a male vampire like Eric, but Eric seems to be allowing himself to change more through this experience where as Sookie seems to be kind of taking note, like when she was wondering about the instant boners in last chapter, but she isn’t taking the next step to really think about how that might affect Eric’s behavior and how it makes them different. Of course, that is the Sookie we all know and love for ya! Trust issues up the wazoo and immediate leap to defensive mode code red before listening to anyone’s excuses. If ever there was a poster child for abandonment issues it was the Sookster.


    • Wow! Now THAT was a comment! 🙂 Yeah, Sookie’s not making much of an effort, but being at Fangtasia with Pam is going to force a lot of those issues, so she may just get her turn yet!

      Eric is definitely open to the experience, but then again, he’s been around for long enough to be able to enjoy something like that. I also think that the hormones that he’s flooded with have something to do with his change of heart. 🙂

      More coming soon! Thanks so much for commenting…I do hope you’re enjoying the story! 🙂


  17. Fozzie says:

    Oooh Sookie is gonna be mad. I love how Eric got the full range of experiences of how people react to Sookie good and bad. Pam is loving this isn’t she. lol


    • Pam’s going to enjoy herself thoroughly watching them interact. 🙂 Sookie is definitely going to be mad, but luckily Pam will talk some sense into her. I thought it would be good for Eric to experience being objectified by men. Nothing like it! Glad you enjoyed it too! 🙂 Thanks so much for commenting!


  18. Vicki (Ilive2read) says:

    sorry this comment is so late!
    Sookie is going to enjoy what Eric is learning about her body. Right? Eventually? Hopefully she likes the new clothes too.


    • Oh yes, Sookie and Eric are both going to benefit (over and over again). 😉 Just give them a little more time. 🙂 My story wouldn’t be mine without a lot of lemons. LOL Sookie’s going to be pissed about her new clothes/shoes, but Pam and Eric are going to make her get over it. Thanks so much for commenting, I always love hearing from you! 🙂


  19. Minna says:

    Oh my this story is just fabulous! I love the way you’ve written Eric here! He’s still a bit of a domineering jackhole, but he’s also a nice guy, somewhere in there 🙂


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