Switched Ch 4: My Friend Jose

Charlaine Harris owns almost everything. I own the rest.

Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out, and I know I haven’t caught up on all the reviews yet…I promise I will. I was on vacation, and am just now getting settled again. SeriousCrush loaned me her big brain for this chapter, yet again, and I love her for it. All remaining mistakes are my own.


My Friend Jose

EPOV (in Sookie’s body)

There were plenty of things that had surprised me about Sookie: how hard working she was, how much shit she put up with at her job, and how limited her wardrobe was. As I rummaged through her closet trying to find something to wear, I made a note to go shopping for her. Weren’t women supposed to have massive wardrobes and piles of shoes? Clearly Sookie needed to have a conversation with Pam. I chose the shortest dress in her closet and was surprised that Sookie would own such a skin-tight black scrap of material. I threw her Merlotte’s uniform on the floor and wiggled into her dress. I admired her body in the mirror yet again, and then went to the front door where I called out to her.

Apparently Sookie was not expecting me to change, because she just stared at me and clutched a bottle of blood to my chest. If she thought that I was going to wear a barmaid uniform to Fangtasia, she was more insane than I thought.

On the drive to my house, I kept trying to get her to yield to me, hoping to have my wicked way with her sooner rather than later. She utilized my large hands and speed, swatting away her hands every time I tried to put them on my body. It seemed odd that she took a swig of blood every time I touched her. I couldn’t understand how she could be so hungry all the time. I could gorge myself on fresh blood, but drinking synthetic blood proved how mainstream you were, it wasn’t something I enjoyed sipping casually.

Besides my day man, I hadn’t ever brought a human home with me, but I knew that I didn’t have much choice in the matter. I could not have my body show up to work dressed in those pants. The undershirt was fine, but the pants were downright ridiculous. As she admired my house, I felt a flush of pride wash over me, coloring her cheeks. She commented on several pieces of furniture and art that were particularly close to my heart, and perhaps one day, I would have the opportunity to tell her all about them. But right now, I just wanted her to get out of those pants. I was baffled when she asked where the bathroom was. Even I was familiar enough with our situation to know that I was the one who would need the bathroom, not her.

Her lame excuse encouraged me to set to work getting the clam diggers off of my body. I couldn’t hide the smile forming on her lips when her fingers found the real reason why she didn’t want to change in front of me. Is this the way she always responded around me? My dick was already rock hard, even before I wrapped her hot little fingers around it. The contact made her breath catch, and sent a shiver of desire straight through her body. She grabbed her wrists hard enough that I did not try to fight her. There was no point in fighting her physically, not when she was in my body…so I used logic instead.

She still would not yield to me, and continued to give me excuses about why she was aroused. It had to be Bill. I watched my face closely when I accused her of waiting for Bill, and I was surprised yet again. Not only did she not jump to defend her ‘boyfriend’ but she also seemed to not even register who I was talking about. It seemed too good to be true, and I was just about to try to persuade her again when my phone rang, vibrating her cleavage.

I opened my phone and glared at the tiny screen. Pam had the worst fucking timing! She was anxious about something, and wouldn’t shut up, so I just cut her off, said ‘we’re on our way,’ and hung up on her. Pam sounded unpleasant enough, so I opted to not waste any more time. I pointed down the hall and Sookie took off fast, waddling to keep my unbuttoned pants up.

Sookie came out a few seconds later. “Is this better?” she said exasperated. I nodded. She followed me back out to my car, letting my arms swing loosely. I shook my head. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea taking her to Fangtasia when she walked like that. It made matters worse when we walked towards my bar, and she got into line with everyone else. I couldn’t push her fast enough towards the front, where Clancy was waiting for us.

I was getting angrier by the minute, and when Clancy had the nerve to treat me like some piece of meat, I wanted to kill him. Of course, with the limitations of this body, there was no way for me to do that. I realized, too late, that it was a really risky move to talk to him like that, but luckily, Sookie kept my mouth shut, silently giving ‘Eric’s’ approval.

I almost punched Sookie in the face when she insinuated that I deserved Clancy’s degrading remarks, and then had the nerve to giggle and cover my mouth like a schoolgirl. What the fuck was I doing here with her? For once, I was grateful for Pam inserting herself in my conversation, so I did not resist as she dragged us into my office.

Pam noticed that Sookie was doing a terrible job pretending to be me, and immediately corrected her. Pam validated my frustration and I wished she would yell at her more. And then she turned her attention to me. It was no secret that Pam wanted to fuck Sookie. It seemed like everyone she had met wanted to. I pushed her breasts towards Pam, knowing that Pam would not be able to resist. Sookie surprised us both by smacking her hand away. I could see the embarrassment on my face. When I commented on how I would dress her, she seemed like she wanted to crawl under a rock and die…good luck finding one big enough.

Soon enough, Pam was working hard trying to help us. The whole situation did not sit well with her. I could feel her unease and knew that she had probably taken out her anxiety on everyone else before we got here. Pam and I were both surprised when Sookie suggested we enlist the help of Dr. Ludwig.

Of course, even the doctor couldn’t solve the problem for us. I was thinking that maybe a witch might be of some use to us, when Pam asked me what Callisto had said before we were switched. It was impossible for me to focus on what that lunatic was saying when I was worried she might start ripping my appendages off, starting with my favorite one. I glanced up at my face and saw a flicker of something…what was it? Dread? Panic? Knowledge?

“Tell me what she said!” I demanded, going toe to toe with her, even though she towered over me.

“Make me,” Sookie said, puffing out my chest defiantly.

Pam interrupted our staring contest with a short laugh. “Oh just do it already!”

Sookie narrowed my eyes and broke contact first, turning to face Pam. “Pam, did you need my help tonight?”

Pam’s face brightened, and she forgot all about trying to solve our problems, and eagerly took advantage of a ‘master’ that she could boss around. “Yes, as a matter of fact I do. I need to run a few errands and you are going to sit on stage and you’re going to let the vermin approach you, and you’re going to listen to them so that you can tell me which one of our patrons is vandalizing the women’s bathroom.”

“You want me to use my telepathy to uncover the mystery of who’s writing dirty words in the bathroom?” Sookie asked skeptically.

“It’s not ‘dirty words,’” Pam quipped. “It’s poetry.” She wouldn’t look at either of us.

“For whom?” I asked.

Pam’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “Me.”

Sookie laughed. “Lead the way. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

“If you find out who it is, and it happens to be an attractive woman, I want you to keep her occupied until I get back,” Pam added.

Sookie laughed again, only louder. “Wow Pam, I wouldn’t peg you as the desperate type.”

“I am not desperate,” Pam ground out between her clenched teeth. “I just appreciate a little attention directed at me, instead of you.” Pam pointed at my body, and then at me. “Ugh. You know what I mean.”

“I am at your service,” Sookie said in a perky voice.

Pam gave her a deadpan stare. “Not in that body, you’re not.”

This time, it was my turn to laugh.


Sookie seemed more than happy to follow Pam and listen to her suggestions about how to act like me. I stayed in my office intent on working. It was depressing how much her body hurt after working a shift at Merlotte’s, and it felt marvelous to relax into my large chair. I had a pile of paperwork and I was actually enjoying staying here, out of the spotlight for once.

Her eyes started to ache after reading for a while, so I got up, stretched and decided to find my body.

The bar was crowded, but it was a Saturday night, so it wasn’t that surprising. What was surprising, was finding Sookie on stage, with a fangbanger sitting next to her. She was whispering something into her ear and the human was giggling. What was even more shocking was how jealous it made me. Why did I suddenly feel like a hormonal teenager? Sookie’s cheeks flushed red as her blood boiled. Her feet stung as I stomped across the room and lunged towards the whore sitting next to her. Sookie put a hand up, holding me back…by her breasts.

Sookie stared into her eyes, and then down at her breasts where my hand was still firmly attached. “Will you please stop throwing yourself at me?” she spat.

I let out a huff of anger, “I will as soon as you stop groping me!” Sookie quickly pulled my hand away, making her body fall forward slightly as I lost balance.

“Um…I should probably go…” the whore next to Sookie said as she stood up.

Sookie stood up with her, turning to face her. “Mel, why don’t you wait in the office?” Sookie said as she gestured down the hall. “Can’t miss it…” The fangbanger looked at me with a knowing smile, and then back to Sookie before she followed Sookie’s directions down the hall.

“I leave you alone for a few minutes and you’ve already lined up some whore to fuck in my office!!” I hissed, trying to keep her voice down. Talk about double standards! I wasn’t allowed to have sex, but she was?

A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, and my eyes danced. “Jealous?” Sookie asked, not bothering to hide her pleasure.

“No!” I shouted a little too loud. “You are a hypocrite! Lecturing me about having sex in your body!”

Sookie looked over the top of my head and waved at someone behind me. Pam was standing with us seconds later, speaking low enough that no one else would be able to hear us. “Vampires don’t wave, Sookie.”

Sookie shrugged my shoulders. “Sorry, I just wanted to get your attention. There is a lit major from the University of Louisiana waiting in Eric’s office. Her name is Mel,” she said, looking at me. “She’s waiting for you Pam,” she added smiling.

Pam did not hesitate to rush down the hall, her flowing black skirt trailing behind her. I swallowed hard and found it difficult to make eye contact with Sookie.

Sookie cleared my throat. “I think Pam is going to be busy for the rest of the night, so I guess that means I have to stay up here,” she said as she sat back down on the stage. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know…” I said feeling irritated by the unfamiliar emotions controlling me.

“Maybe you should try relaxing…” Sookie suggested.

“What if you need to take care of some kind of business and you need me?”

“Then I’ll summon you,” she said simply, winking at me.

Anger burned through me again. I stormed away, intent on ‘relaxing’ with a nice big bottle of tequila. I had heard many humans discussing how much they enjoyed it.

Chow was working behind the bar, and as I approached he smiled at me appreciatively. “What can I get you, Sookie?” The fact that Chow remembered her name after one encounter was yet another surprise.

“A bottle of Jose Cuervo. That bitch on the stage will pay for it.” Chow glanced up at my body on the stage and seemed satisfied by Sookie’s reaction, because he slid an unopened bottle of tequila across the bar. “Thank you,” I said, and I meant it.

I tucked her body away in a vacant booth and proceeded to drink. The first mouthful burned her throat and spread like a wildfire through the rest of her body. The third drink made her limbs pleasantly numb, with my brain following closely behind, erasing the frustration from earlier.

I don’t know how much of the bottle I managed to get down before my world started to spin. Someone was carrying me and telling me everything would be alright, which was hard to believe, since the only way everything would be alright is if her head would stop pounding.



On to Switched Ch 5: Poetry

12 thoughts on “Switched Ch 4: My Friend Jose

  1. Betsy says:

    Jealous Sookie and drunk Eric. Loving the story.


    • Eric learned something very valuable that night. Tequila is NOT your friend. 🙂 Sookie’s got a lot of stuff to work through before she can let her jealousy go. 🙂 Thanks for sharing the love!


  2. mina says:

    you are really good at this! the more i read the more i want to read! thank you! and it is said by a french girl reading in english because it is toogood to stop!


    • Mina, I’m flattered! I also must say, your English is amazing, and please don’t cringe too much when you read La Vie En Rose… French does not flow from my fingers like English does. 🙂 Thank you for that lovely review, I’m glad to have a fan in France, it is one of my favorite places. 🙂


      • mina says:

        thank you for your kind reply! you are really lovely.
        i am done reading switched and i have to say it is really goodand pleasurable!
        i mean Eric with his periods lol i was dead laughing.
        you had an amazing idea and if i was you i’d patent the idea!!!
        of course you change character’s names to avoid problems with Charlaine Harris .
        you ‘re good at it you know !
        i started reading Confetti and i also enjoy it very much !
        i’ll review it later 😉
        i will check la vie en rose too and let you know .


      • I actually thought about tweaking Switched and making it my own story…but I haven’t had the clarity to do it yet. The pieces of a story have to line up in my brain before I can begin writing them. I really enjoyed writing it, and laughed hysterically as I wrote about Eric with tampons and pads. 🙂

        Confetti holds a special place in my heart…so I’m glad you enjoyed it too.

        La Vie En Rose is a sequel to Getaway (which is REALLY long), so if you want the back story…there are 67 chapters of Getaway waiting for you. Hopefully you won’t cringe too much when you read the French! 🙂


  3. romantic2soul says:

    Your comedy is a good and any of the comedy novelist I have read such as a P.G. Wodehouse novel. Literally falling down laughing.


  4. jenibookworm says:

    Lmao. This is one of the best humor Svm fanfic a I have ever read. I can’t wait to read what else happens.


  5. kinnik says:

    OMG, this story is hilarious. More than once I have literally laughed out loud and continue to giggle to the point that I have to go back and reread what I just read. It’s awesome to picture them in my head and “hear” the words come out with each other’s voices. It makes it even funnier to hear what Sookie is saying in Eric’s voice. Although I have read much of your other work, I apparently had overlooked this one. So glad I started it. I know I’ll be finishing it before bed tonight. Well done, I’m really enjoying it.


    • Aww, thank you! I absolutely LOVED writing this story! I just imagined it would absolutely hilarious to see Eric in a delicate human body, and Sookie tripping over herself as a big ol’ Viking. 🙂 I love binging on a story I enjoy, so I hope you do get the entire thing read tonight. 🙂 Thanks again for reviewing!!


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