Switched Ch 2: Work is a Bitch

Charlaine Harris owns almost everything. I own the rest.

I try to respond to every review, so if you don’t hear from me, it’s because your PMs are disabled (that’s you marlnails and Nitebright) or because you weren’t signed in or don’t have a FF account (AlphabetSoup, please, and kyeager).

SeriousCrush read this chapter, but didn’t have any suggestions…so any mistakes here are my own.

This is the first time I have attempted to write Eric’s point of view, so be gentle.


Work is a Bitch

EPOV (in Sookie’s body)

Sookie’s house was dark when we pulled up. When she finally managed to get out of my car, she started patting down the front of my legs to retrieve the keys that were no longer in her possession. I cleared her throat and pointed to the front pocket of her tiny shorts. “I think this is what you’re looking for,” I said tilting her pelvis towards her. She almost went for the bait but then stopped short.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Unlock the door!” she shouted.

“I thought you might want to help me.” I wagged her eyebrows at her. She rolled my eyes and crossed my arms across my chest. I shrugged and pulled the keys out and unlocked the front door. “After you…”

Sookie disappeared into the front bedroom and was grunting as she dug through the closet. She did not sound happy.

As I was hanging up the sweater draped over her shoulders, I felt another presence nearby. I darted out the front door, only to find myself face to face with Bill.

“Sookie,” he drawled, “I had to see you before I go to ground.” He grabbed me by the shoulders. As his face neared hers, he inhaled and growled, “You smell like Eric.”

I pulled out of his grasp, which turned out to be more difficult than I thought it would be. “Of course I do. He’s here.” I had to stifle a laugh as he prickled. “Oh come on, Bill, were you honestly stupid enough to think that I would waste my time with you when I could have someone like him?” It felt so good to fuck with him like this.

I noticed a flash of hurt cross his face before it returned to his usual calm. “You cannot be serious. I have always satisfied you.”

I raised her eyebrows at him, put her hands on her hips and said, “Have you?” Bill moved to open his mouth but shut it promptly. “I rescind your invitation,” I said casually before turning and going back inside, closing the door in his face.

I still had a smug smile on my face when Sookie came out of the bedroom. “Who were you talking to?”


“Bill is here?” I felt sick as I watched my face light up.

“Not anymore. I rescinded his invitation. He’s gone.”

“Would that even work? You may look and sound like me, but you’re definitely not me,” she was getting angrier by the second and started to push past me to get to the door.

“I don’t know, but he didn’t try to test it, so I guess it doesn’t matter.” I touched my shoulder. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. It’s almost sunrise.”

My shoulders fell and then Sookie took my body into the kitchen. “I can’t believe how hungry I am. I wasn’t just a minute ago, but now I am again…”

I laughed, but then was rudely reminded by her growling stomach that I was also hungry.

“You might want to drink some coffee, or you’re going to have a killer headache in a few hours.”

I glanced around the kitchen, taking in my surroundings for the first time. It had been centuries since I had cooked human food.

“You don’t know how to brew coffee?” she asked, a smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. I shook her head.

“I don’t know how to cook either.”

“Look, here’s how the coffee maker works,” she said showing me where the supplies were and how to start the machine, “and I’ve got leftovers in the fridge that will get you through a few meals.” She rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath.

“What was that?” I asked, unable to hear her. Damn human ears.

“I said,” she said louder, “it better not be any longer than a few meals or I’ll kill us both.”

I laughed again and pulled a bottle of blood out of the fridge. “At least you’ve got these on hand…of course you could always eat me…” I pushed her long hair away from her neck and smiled as I watched my face shift from irritation to desire.

She shook my head, “No. I will NOT.” She snatched the bottle out of my hands and warmed it in the microwave.

It was hilarious trying to watch her drink it with my fangs fully descended. She basically just poured it down my throat, gagging several times before she finished it. “That is disgusting.”

I shrugged. “That is mainstream. You need to get into your hidey hole. Can you feel the sun?”

“I feel exhausted.” That sounded right for this time of night.

I followed her into the front bedroom and tried not to laugh as I watched her fold my limbs into the tight space in the bottom of the closet. “See you tonight.” I dropped the board in place and threw the piles of shoes she had dug out earlier back on top.

I made my way back to the kitchen and opened the fridge again, this time searching through containers of food until I found something that smelled good. I poured a cup of coffee and sipped it. It was bitter and strong and not appetizing at all, but after another sip I could already feel her nerves calm. I stuck a fork in the container of food and took it and my coffee out to the porch. I sat down and stared towards the eastern horizon and waited.

The bite I had just taken fell out of my mouth as I saw the sun rise for the first time in a millennia. It was stunning. I closed her eyes and leaned back into the swing and reveled in the feeling of its warmth on her face. Before I knew it, I was asleep.


Hours later, I woke up, stiff and sore. I smiled as I looked around finding a folding chair positioned in the middle of the yard in a bright sunny spot. When I had arrived last night and looked through Sookie’s drawers, I remembered seeing a bikini. I grimaced as I downed the rest of the cold coffee, and covered the flavor quickly with the rest of the food still in the container. I stood up, stretching her body until it didn’t hurt so much and went inside. I checked the calendar in the kitchen, finding her schedule pinned next to it. She wasn’t due to work until two o’clock. That gave me three hours.

I found the bikini I had seen before and tossed it onto her bed. I stood in front of the mirror and slowly pulled her shirt off of her head. I smiled and ran her hands across the tops of her breasts. I quickly shucked the short shorts and admired her beautiful body in her matching blue bra and panties. I remembered what she said about not taking her body out for a night on the town. She didn’t say anything about me getting to know her body a little better. I snapped the bra closure open, inhaling sharply when her perfect pink nipples bounced in the mirror. I touched them, feeling her skin respond and feeling a new kind of heat between her legs. I pulled her panties down and stepped out of them. So she is a natural blonde! She is also wet…again. I pushed her hand between her legs and eagerly explored her damp curls, memorizing every inch. She was so soft and warm and smelled so good.

I fell backwards onto the bed and nearly came as her breasts bounced in her hand. I propped her knees up and let them fall open. I pushed her middle finger inside her and stopped to breathe as I searched for the perfect spot. I rubbed her nipples and curled her finger until I found what I was looking for. When her body responded, I screamed. Her body shook, vibrating the bed. I didn’t feel sated yet, so I went to work on the same spot, this time, moving her other hand down to squeeze her clit. I was panting, and felt lightheaded and then her nerves exploded, filling her eyes with bursts of light. I pulled her finger out of her still-twitching pussy and put it in her mouth, clamping down hard as I sucked her clean.

I could definitely live with this.

I reluctantly pulled the bikini on, adjusting it until her breasts spilled out of the top and went out to the lawn chair. I stretched out in the sun and felt glorious. It heated her skin and the chair under her, making me feel warmer than I had in ages. After a while, when I felt like I was cooking, I rolled over, letting the sun beat down on her back. It made me drowsy, and for fear of falling asleep in the sun and getting burned (which I remembered as being quite painful), I went inside and wedged her body under the fluffy comforter on Sookie’s bed. The phone ringing woke me up. Disoriented, I stumbled into the kitchen and answered it.

“Sookie? Where are you? Your shift started a half-hour ago!” Sam’s voice scolded.

I sighed. “I’m coming.” I went to the bathroom and forced myself to take a quick shower. The feeling of her slippery skin was enough to make me want to blow off Sam and her stupid job, but pissing Sookie off was the last thing I wanted to do. I needed her cooperation, and more urgently, I needed to fuck her. I opened her closet and found her summer Merlotte’s uniform of tiny black shorts and a tight white t-shirt. Sam was a smart man; that much was certain. I ran her tongue across her teeth and nearly gagged at the fuzzy coating on them. I squeezed an inch of toothpaste on her toothbrush and started brushing. The excess toothpaste foamed up and spilled out of the sides of her mouth, making her look like a rabid dog. I made a note to use less toothpaste next time. I smiled in the mirror and cleaned her face, and brushed her hair. Sookie always wore her hair in a ponytail to work, but with hair longer than mine, I couldn’t resist braiding it. It was the braid that I wore often and it made me feel more like myself, even if I didn’t look it.

I grabbed my keys off the kitchen counter and drove to Merlotte’s. When I parked in the back, Sam was outside organizing a stack of alcohol crates that had just arrived. He looked from me to the car and said in a sarcastic voice, “Nice of you to come in today, chère. Whose car is that?”

“Listen Sam, I’m here as a favor to Sookie. Don’t push it by calling me ‘dear.’”

Sam scratched his head. “Sorry what did you say?”

“I’m Eric,” I whispered leaning close to him. “That’s my car.”


“Your girlfriend paid us a visit last night and thought it would be amusing to switch our bodies, so while I may look, smell, sound, and feel like Sookie, I am not.”

“Girlfriend? Oh, you mean Callisto?” Sam asked. I just stared at him. “She’s not exactly my girlfriend…sure we had fun running together, but I haven’t seen her for days.”

“Well shit,” I said as I stormed past him. There goes the idea that he might be able to help us. I was tempted to turn around and leave.

Sam stopped me in the hallway by putting a hand on her shoulder. “Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m fucking kidding?” I glared at him and he recoiled, removing his hand quickly. “And if you tell anyone, I will have your head. Both of them,” I added pointing to his crotch. The idea of an enemy finding out that I was not in control of my body filled my mind with horrifying thoughts of a true death that would leave me stuck in this body forever.

Sam put his hands up in front of him defensively. “Sorry. I believe you and I promise not to say a word to anyone. I will also let you know if I hear anything from Callisto. I would send you home, but I don’t have anyone else to call. The cook helped me through the lunch shift, and it’s pretty dead right now, so you shouldn’t have too much trouble until the dinner crowd comes in.”

I let her shoulders slump, resigned to working for him. “Fine. Just tell me what I have to do.” I sounded like a whiney bitch.

Sam guided me behind the bar and talked low enough to avoid drawing any attention. He pointed out how the tables were numbered, and how orders should be written, and where the orders needed to be put so they could be cooked and picked up. “So, that’s pretty much how it works. It doesn’t hurt to smile, especially if you want tips. You’ve already got a lot working for you, so it shouldn’t be too hard. Just keep in mind that most of these folks know you, um, her…so don’t be an ass. Arlene will be here later to take over.”

I rolled her eyes and got to work, checking on the two tables where breathers were stuffing their faces with fried foods. Sadly, the smell of the food made her stomach growl, and I realized that I forgot to eat again before I left Sookie’s house. This eating thing was annoying. Feeding at my age was supposed to be for pleasure, not need. It was definitely a drawback to being human.

I leaned across the bar and laughed when Sam’s eyes lingered on Sookie’s chest. “They’re my favorites too,” I said squeezing her breasts together.

Sam blushed and looked away. He cleared his throat and focused his gaze on the shiny bar, “Do you need something?”

“I’m hungry. Again. What does she eat here?”

“Sometimes she orders a burger and fries. Want one?”

I shrugged and my stomach growled again. “I guess I do.”

Sam turned and poked his head into the kitchen. “Can I get a number 1 for Sookie?” The cook gave me a quick smile and started pulling plates and ingredients off the shelf in front of her.

Sam swept his arm to a seat across from him and slid my food in front of me. I bit into the burger and was pleasantly surprised. Now I could understand why the people at the tables were stuffing their faces with food. It was really good.

Sam’s voice was low, “So, uh…why were you with Sookie last night?”

I talked with my mouth full of food, “You mean, instead of Bill?” Sam nodded and got us both a glass of water. “Well, since you asked,” I said taking a long swallow. “It’s because Bill is a fucking idiot.” Sam raised an eyebrow, encouraging me to go on. “He would have to be to string her along like he does. Can you honestly tell me that if you got to stick your dick inside this heavenly body you would ever want to leave?”

Sam choked and shook his head. “Good point.”

“I don’t know what that loser is occupying his time with, but I am always happy to fill the void in Sookie’s life.” I winked at him. “So did anything ever happen between you?”

“Sookie and me?” Sam asked. I gave him a quick nod and he shook his head. “We’re just friends.” You didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that there was more to it than he was saying, but I wasn’t interested in fanning the flames of his desire for her. “You?”

“Not yet. But she will yield to me. Especially after I get to know her body a little bit better.” Sam’s mouth hung open and I could see jealousy and rage cross his face.

Sam’s voice was threatening, “If you force her to do anything…I swear I will hunt you down and kill you.”

I laughed, startling Sam. “I won’t need to force her.” I finished the rest of my food and let out a loud burp.

“No, I’m sure you’ll woo her with your charm,” Sam said rolling his eyes.

I pushed away from the counter and sucked the food out of her teeth. “Her body feels uncomfortable. Perhaps I need to use the toilet.” Sam stared at me with disgust and pointed to the hall leading to the bathrooms.

Once I was inside the stall, I sat on the toilet and relaxed. I felt better immediately and managed to wipe her without much trouble. Before heading out, I read the sign that said, ‘Employees MUST wash their hands with soap. Stop the spread of germs.’ I grimaced and looked at my hands. I certainly didn’t want her to have any diseases, so I washed them until they were bright red.

When I had left for the bathroom, the room had been nearly empty, but when I got out, there were two new groups of people, one of them a group of dusty-faced workers with flattened hair. One of the men at the table flagged me down, so I walked over to them with a pad of paper ready to take their order.

“Hey Sook,” the young man said, grinning at me widely. “Me and the boys need some beers.”

“Anything else?” I asked flatly.

“That’s it? You’re not even going to say hi to your brother?”

Brother? This hick is Sookie’s brother? “Hello brother, would you and your ‘boys’ like anything else?”

Sookie’s brother leaned to his tall meaty friend and said, “My sister, the kidder.”

One of the other men at the table leered at me and whispered, “I’ll take whatever you’re offering.”

His pick-up line made me laugh. “I would be more inclined to rip your dick off than let you fuck me with it.” I remembered to smile. “I’ll be back with your beers.”

Sookie’s brother landed a solid punch to his friend’s shoulder. “What the fuck man? That’s my sister!” His friend apologized to us both and I turned and went to the bar to get them a pitcher of beer.

The afternoon wore on, and I found myself being distracted by the sun shining outside on more than one occasion. How could Sookie spend her days working in this shit hole serving food to loud and obnoxious people? Her feet ached and the weight of the trays of food and pitchers of beer made her wrists twinge with pain.

The sun started to wane just as the bar filled with throngs of demanding people. I struggled to serve them all and hold my tongue. The longer I worked, the angrier I became. Inevitably, after one too many drinks, one of the customers would grab her ass or ‘accidentally’ brush against her breasts. Not that I blamed them, but it made the job even more demeaning. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was for her to deal with these drunken assholes while also being able to hear their thoughts.

When a chemically-altered redhead came in, wearing the same uniform I was wearing, I sighed in relief. It had to be my replacement. “Hey Sook, sorry it took me so long to come in, the kids were…”

I interrupted her, “I don’t care. I’m going home.” I took my apron off and dropped it on the bar.

“Thanks…Sookie,” Sam said sheepishly.

“I won’t be coming in tomorrow…so find a replacement.”

“You’re off, so it’s already taken care of,” he answered defensively. His tone shifted and he added, “I’ll let you know if I hear anything…”

I was too tired to say anything, so I left. When I walked in Sookie’s house, I could tell she was in the shower, and the sounds coming from the small room were enough to make me forget how exhausted I was. I opened the door and tiptoed inside, pulling the shower curtain open just enough to see myself leaning heavily against the wall of the shower, eyes squeezed shut, dick in hand, moaning. I definitely wasn’t the only one getting to know their new body.


Oh, that Sookie…what will happen now? Review and you’ll find out. 🙂

On to Switched Ch 3: Clam Digging

24 thoughts on “Switched Ch 2: Work is a Bitch

  1. AlphaEN says:

    Haven’t had such great laughs reading fanfic in a long time. Thanks! Gonna add your site to my fanfic community and recommend this story in to read section on my blog.


  2. Betsy says:

    Poor Eric, having to work at merlotte’s. The conversation with Sam was too funny – a little male bonding! Loved Eric’s POV.


    • Phew! I was so worried about writing Eric’s POV (every time I write a chapter for him I worry!), so thanks for sharing the love! Thanks for commenting again, I’m glad you’re enjoying the humor!


  3. MistressCinder says:

    Frickin Hilarious! LOL! You definitely put a smile on my face!


  4. I laughed so hard…poor Eric (ehhh … Sookie shaped Eric is the better term I think). But what about the telepathy?


  5. shit I wanted to say “half around” …so sorry 🙂


  6. romantic2soul says:

    Hilarious! Eric calling Sam on staring at Sookie’s breast was so funny. When Eric saw what Sookie was doing I laughed so hard I cried. Can’t wait to see her reaction to getting caught.


  7. jenibookworm says:

    Haha. I love that she got caught! I also like Eric telling off bill. I moved over here from fanfic. Since the best parts were edited out there. Lol


    • Yeah, I’m sorry about that! I couldn’t keep my stories up and break their rules and face potential loss of my account, so I just post twice. It’s a pain in the ass, but it seems to be a solution I can deal with. 🙂 I’m glad you followed me here, and I’m really glad you reviewed. I love hearing from new readers. 🙂 There’s a lot more Bill humiliation coming…


  8. VintageManniqueen says:

    Oh, all so wonderful. I got super absorbed into it in the middle and totally forgot this was fanficiton for a good minute!


  9. suzymeinen says:

    This is so funny! What a great story idea and you’ve written it perfectly!


    • Aww, thank you! I absolutely LOVED writing this story. One of my favorites for sure. 🙂 I’m so glad you’re enjoying it. I absolutely love getting reviews for older stories so I can hear feedback (for future stories, obviously). So thank you so much for reviewing!


  10. cela says:

    that was screamingly funny that eric caught sookie taking his body for a solo test drive!!!


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